When does coaching become ghostwriting?
Every so often, someone calls me and says something like this:
“I don’t need a ghostwriter. I just need someone to help me get started and keep me on track. I’ve got a great story, and I’ve learned a lot—I just need a little coaching.”
It’s a perfectly reasonable request. In fact, it’s smart.
You’ve had an extraordinary life. You’ve built companies, led teams, survived chaos, mentored others, and made decisions that changed the course of people’s lives (and possibly your own). You’re not looking for someone to tell your story for you—you’re looking for a guide to help you tell it yourself.
That’s where book coaching seems to come in. And I’ll be honest: I like the idea of it. It feels collaborative. Clean. You do the heavy lifting, and I walk alongside you, handing you snacks, cheering you on, maybe yelling “You’ve got this!” when the going gets rough.
And sometimes that’s exactly how it works. But more often?
Well… let’s just say things take a turn.
How It Usually Starts
The coaching relationship begins with the best of intentions. We talk through the big picture. I help you find your themes, structure your narrative, and develop a solid outline. We spend a few hours on Zoom laying the groundwork. Then we dive into the opening chapter. You’re energized. You’re ready.
And then… the blinking cursor.
You sit down to write and realize it’s been a few decades since you last stared down a blank page. A couple of paragraphs trickle out. Then a few more. But it’s not clicking. It feels wooden. You wonder if maybe you’re overthinking it—so you try again. And again.
Then you email me: “Can I just tell you what I’m trying to say? Maybe you could rough out a version of this chapter and I’ll tweak it?”
I nod. Of course. Happy to help.
So I write that rough version. Then the next. Then the one after that. Before long, we’ve done a full loop-de-loop. You’re the one cheering me on, while I do the actual writing.
It’s Not Mission Creep. It’s a Role Reversal.
What started as coaching becomes ghostwriting. And that’s OK.
Writing a memoir—especially one that’s thoughtful, compelling, and actually readable—is hard. It’s not a failure of will or intelligence if you stall out. Writing is a job, just like running a business or managing a team. It takes time, skill, and emotional bandwidth.
Most people who come to me for coaching don’t actually want to learn to write. What they want is to think deeply, to make sense of the choices they’ve made, and to share something lasting. That’s not a craft problem. It’s a collaboration opportunity.
But that shift—when it happens—needs to be built into the process.
How I Handle This Now
To save everyone confusion (and to preserve both your dignity and my sanity), I now break the work into four distinct steps. Each one builds on the last. You can stop after any step. Or, if you find yourself enjoying the ride and want me to take the wheel, you can shift into ghostwriting mode mid-flight. No shame. No hard sell.
Step One: Concept Development & Outline
We talk through the big themes, purpose, tone, and audience. I ask you uncomfortable questions (the kind only a former journalist or a nosy uncle would ask), and from those conversations I write a three-page concept memo plus a working outline for the chapters. You can take this and run with it—or move to Step Two.
Step Two: Chapter Conversations & Transcripts
We go chapter by chapter. You talk, I listen. Each session is recorded and transcribed. You’ll have a full, searchable archive of your own thoughts, stories, and lessons—like a personal oral history, minus the awkward tape recorder. You can use these transcripts to write your chapters, or…
Step Three: Rough Draft Written by Me
If you decide the writing part isn’t for you, I take what we’ve developed so far and turn it into a real book. Not a polished final version—this is the working draft. But it’ll read like a book, sound like you, and have the momentum of a proper manuscript. You’re welcome to revise it yourself, or…
Step Four: Final Polish & Publishing Prep
I revise the draft with your feedback, line by line, until we have something worthy of your name. If needed, I’ll also help with decisions about design, printing, or pitching it to agents. (Or we can just raise a glass and toast the fact that you finally did the damn thing.)
So… Coaching or Ghostwriting?
We can go all-in to get your memoir in a single streamlined process, or take it one step at a time.
It’s up to you. Start with a conversation. If you feel like writing, I’ll coach you. If you get stuck, I’ll step in. No judgment. No bait and switch. Just a thoughtful process that respects your time, your voice, and your story.